The Mental Load of Motherhood Explained By a Therapist
The Mental Load of Motherhood Explained By a Therapist
Hi there!
I'm Sanah Kotadia, a licensed professional counselor who focuses on therapy for moms who are struggling with burnout and are overwhelmed due to patterns of people-pleasing and perfectionism. As a new mom with years of experience in mental health, I've helped many mothers navigate the complexities of parenting and personal wellness. Today, I want to discuss a topic that resonates deeply with many moms but often goes unspoken—the invisible load of motherhood.
This post aims to unpack mothers' often invisible labor and unrecognized burdens. By understanding what constitutes a mother's mental load and exploring ways to manage it, I aim to offer support and discuss actionable solutions for moms feeling overwhelmed.
Understanding the invisible workload of motherhood
Being a mom is a beautiful and rewarding experience filled with countless moments of joy and pride. However, beneath the surface of these picture-perfect snapshots often lurks a complex and demanding web of responsibilities that make up a mom's mental load.
This mental load refers to the invisible jobs that fill a mom's daily life, from remembering school meetings and making doctor appointments to managing the household shopping list and overseeing the family's emotional well-being. The truth is that this constant buzz of unpaid, unseen tasks is a significant aspect of parenting often shouldered predominantly by women, even in shared parenting roles,
The Invisible Labor of Meal Planning & Household Tasks
Each morning, many mothers begin their day with responsibilities that, while seemingly straightforward, are, in fact, complex and time-consuming. Meal planning, packing nutritious school lunches, and organizing daily activities are not just physical chores; they involve considerable foresight, time management, and emotional readiness to continuously anticipate the family's needs, often at the cost of neglecting her own.
These visible and often tangible undertakings are just a strand in the complex web of motherhood responsibilities, entailing much more than physical effort. The challenge is magnified for mothers who also juggle careers, whether part-time or full-time. The mental load of working mothers is substantial, combining professional responsibilities with the expectation to always be mentally and emotionally available and supportive.
Mental Labor: The Majority of the Invisible Load of Motherhood
In addition to managing the day-to-day responsibilities, mothers often take on the extensive role of the family's chief planner. This mental labor extends far beyond the visible things, such as overseeing children's homework and scheduling doctor’s appointments. It includes keeping track of family commitments and maintaining social connections, from remembering birthdays and anniversaries to ensuring all school-related responsibilities are met.
These tasks, while mentally demanding, represent just a portion of the ongoing mental load mothers carry. Even when not actively engaged in immediate efforts, mothers continually prepare for the future, mentally noting when to replace outgrown clothes, researching the best options for their children's health and wellness, and planning for upcoming school projects. This relentless foresight and organization are crucial for the home's smooth functioning and directly support their children's educational development and well-being.
The weight of these responsibilities can often lead to guilt and stress, particularly when things do not go according to plan. Many mothers struggle with self-doubt and anxiety over perceived shortcomings, which adds an emotional layer to the already heavy mental load.
Emotional Labor: Decision-Making & Nurturing the Family’s Emotional Well-Being
When not directly managing the emotional needs of those around her—from comforting children to providing them motivation and encouragement for daily chores and homework—mothers are frequently tasked with making significant decisions about their children’s well-being, education, and health. All of these decisions carry considerable consequences and emotional weight.
This decision-making responsibility is yet another aspect of the invisible work of moms, who act as the emotional backbone of the family, providing support and stability even when managing their own emotional highs and lows.
Balancing this with the invisible work of daily management and ongoing mental support outlines the full scope of mothers' mental load, highlighting the intricate and often unrecognized work that goes into nurturing and maintaining a happy and healthy home.
How the mental burden of motherhood affects women
The constant mental juggling act can lead to significant stress, anxiety, and sometimes even depression, which are also symptomatic of Depleted Mother Syndrome. If left unaddressed, these emotional strains can have long-term consequences, exacerbating symptoms and further depleting a mother's mental and physical health.
Here are some common signs that the invisible load of motherhood might be becoming too much:
Constant feelings of overwhelm or anxiety: Struggling to keep up with daily demands.
Sleep disturbances and changes in appetite: Physical manifestations of underlying stress.
Increased irritability or short temper with husband and kids: Stress affecting home relationships.
Lack of energy and decreased enjoyment in previously loved activities: Potential signs of burnout.
Frequent forgetfulness and difficulty focusing: Indicative of cognitive overload and overwhelming stress.
Persistent fatigue and relationship conflicts (typically with partner): Often resulting from the unrelenting pressures of being a mom.
Struggles with unwinding and relaxing: Difficulty finding calm at the end of the day.
How can I reduce my mental load of motherhood?
Now that we've covered the signs, the next step is adopting practical strategies to manage and reduce this burden effectively. Here are some actionable tips, drawn from both professional insights and personal experiences as a new mom, to help you finally find balance and lighten the labor of motherhood:
Streamlining through Routines, Systems, and Delegation
Establishing structured routines and systems provides predictability for daily chores and decisions, offering a sense of order and control over mental clutter. These routines and systems aren’t just about efficiency; they serve as reliable anchors, reducing mental strain and freeing up space for more pressing matters.
Alongside these practices, involving partners or older children in routine errands and decision-making is crucial. As a new mom, I’ve realized the transformative power of delegation, which not only lightens my load but also fosters a sense of shared responsibility and collaborative effort within my support network.
Mindfulness and Focus
Mindfulness is a valuable tool that can help us make better decisions, trust ourselves, and manage stress more effectively. Practices like mindfulness and deep breathing help me stay present in the moment, alleviating the pressure of constantly thinking ahead. By doing so, I can create a buffer against chaos and find much-needed mental rest.
Mindset Shift: From Perfection to Sufficiency
Strive for ‘good enough’ rather than the idea of perfection. Recognize that setting high standards for every responsibility on your plate is neither sustainable nor necessary. Learning to adjust your expectations has the power to reduce moms' mental load, triggering a domino effect that can create a more compassionate and joyful parenting experience.
Connecting with a Support System
Whether it’s friends, your partner, or a support group, confiding in others who share your experience can relieve the emotional weight. Creating a support system has been one of the best investments for my mental and emotional health. When I'm not delegating tasks to my husband, I'm figuring out ways to share the load with others, sometimes through something as simple as venting sessions or seeking advice.
Get the motherhood support you’ve been looking for.
If you feel exhausted under the weight of the unspoken workload, I hear you; you are not alone. As a therapist specializing in this area, I provide guidance and support tailored to mothers facing these challenges. Through personalized therapy sessions, we can work together to find strategies that suit your unique situation and help alleviate your burden.
I encourage you to reach out and take the first step towards a lighter, more gratifying motherhood. Together, we can redefine the narrative around the mom mental load and work towards an empowered, less-burdened you.
For more details on my therapy services for moms in Texas or to schedule a consultation, please visit Balanced Minds Therapy or contact me directly. Your well-being is important, and you deserve help managing the challenges of motherhood.
I’m Sanah, LPC, NCC & I help moms reclaim their mental health.
Hello and welcome! I focus on therapy for moms who are struggling with burnout and are overwhelmed due to patterns of people-pleasing and perfectionism.
It is possible to shift these patterns and embrace all parts of yourself–even the messy ones. I provide online therapy throughout the state of Texas and online coaching nationwide. Get in touch here.
